“I’m not enough.” “Whatever.” “It just doesn’t matter.”
These are some of the old thoughts that would get stuck on repeat in my head. They were the self-talk of a wounded man in the midst of failure. Maybe you have a similar track that starts when things don’t go well or you’re going through a tough time.
Often, I would extend myself into a vulnerable place and fail. Maybe I would ask my wife for sex and she would say no. Maybe I would try to fix my car and make it worse, or make a poor financial decision. There was something final about a failure, as if it all hung in the balance on my one poor choice. At least the pain of the moment made it feel that way. In effect, failure seemed to prove “I’m not enough”, so I would shut down and slip into passivity. Who cares, why bother?
But that isn’t the man I want to be. I see an aspect of greatness in some and I want to emulate it. I love coming to Monday Nights and seeing men excel, hearing their testimonies of how they didn’t quit. How they pushed through failure. It helps me to know that it can be done. The guys who are getting better have a confidence to keep going. A confidence that refuses to classify a momentary failure as the end and to give in to all that comes with it. In others words, it ain’t over till its over.
So there may be a failure right now, but a new “now” is coming. As a Christian, His mercies are not just new every morning, they are new every moment. Man Alive helped me to experience Christ in action. Men in my group saw my failures and encouraged me stay in the game. They reminded me of what I had accomplished and what God was doing. By showing up, by picking myself up, by reaching out I was winning. It wasn’t the failure that defined me; it was my getting back up each time. Every week that I came, every time I did my homework, every time I confessed my shame I won. Every time I messed up and owned it, I was better than before.
Life is now after now after now in quick succession. You have been set free and have a choice about your next now. Be encouraged and don’t let an old failed now destroy the new now coming.