Cussing Christians by Mark Peterson
The way out of addiction isn’t through behavior control, it’s through relationship. We are to be Holy as He is holy; to pursue purity in all things. To get there, we have to be honest and getting honest removes the religious filter we have been conditioned to live through.
Honesty, radical honesty that gets you better digs so deep that some ugly often comes up with it. Sometimes for the man who has been a good outward Christian for much of his life, yet cannot control his penis, or looks at porn, or fantasies about women/or men sexually, who is caught in chronic masturbation has to say some not so pretty things to get that sin in the light and when they finally do sometimes cuss words can find their way into their vocabulary.
Fist off, let me say this. I am not advocating cussing. We should pursue purity in all things and in our speech as well. The high road, the right road is purity of speech as well as being sexually free from porn, masturbation, over eating, or whatever(add your struggle whose purpose is to avoid pain here) it’s Gods desire, and our focus at ManAlive is to go after that holiness together. All that being said, the way to holiness is messy, it’s very difficult be perfectly holy on the way to holy, sometimes a man will use words he wouldn’t want his grandma, pastor, or his daughter to hear.
I am OK with the mess, and there is zero judgment from me. I see beyond it to where a man is heading, not where he is at. Cussing is verbal masturbation, it feels good temporarily but comes back to bite us as it separates us from some relationships and we need all the relationships we have available to us to keep moving toward the better.
All sin separates us from relationship. The story of the bible is a relational story, if you don’t understand it as relational, you don’t understand it. Addiction, at its core is a relational problem, a relational disorder, relational disfunction. Fix the relationships, fix the problem. Have a penis problem? Make friends both male and female. Find mentors, and people to help all at the same time. Forgive by dropping the weapons that defend you from further hurt, the weapons that keep you from the relationships that you need. You will know you have forgiven if you feel empty, if you do, you’re doing it right. Now you are ready for the relationships that heal.
Cussing pushes people that you need away. Churchy people get offended by it and will withdraw from you and we need them in our lives. Cussing is to the religious what church words are to the unbeliever. Just as cussing pushes people away, church words push non believers away. On your way to better you may cuss on occasion as part of your healing process as you learn to talk and express yourself. But if the process takes you to a place where you land on an overt Christian vocabulary you have now just swapped one anti relational problem for the exact problem but reversed and isolated yourself from the unsaved who can’t stand all your church talk just like you can’t stand their cussing.
25 years ago I heard a statistic that after 3 years of becoming a Christian new believers have no non christian friends. I was struck by this and have worked very hard to always have non believers as friends. I have a passion for honesty and non Christians are naturals at, so make sure you are hanging out with them and let that honesty rub off. Yeah, I know, “come out from them and be separate” OK, but only to the extent that they are pulling you into sin.
Cuss if you need to, I can guarantee you that God does not care just don’t stay there long. Get the ugly out to get to the holy, to get to the pure. Plunge the toilet, then flush the crap and let the clean water flow back in. Lose the church words, let others know who you are without hiding behind a religious vocabulary. Let your standard be if you wouldn’t say it at the auto parts store, or a hockey game, then don’t say it. Pull people in, don’t push them away. We need them all, and they need you.