To be fully alive is to be fully aware. This sounds simple but if you have ever struggled with issues such as porn and masturbation, there’s a good chance you aren’t. Or at least I wasn’t.
What I mean is, that in the midst of looking at porn I was not fully aware of what was going on inside me, I wasn’t aware of why I was doing it. I justified it by calling it a strong sex drive and evidence I was a red blooded man and yet I wanted to quit, but couldn’t.
Does sitting alone in front of a computer seem like a life lived fully alive to you?
It shouldn’t, and it’s probably why you came to this website. For me, it wasn’t until I came here, that I had the realization that there was more going on than just being horny. I wanted to stop, but for years I had the wrong battle because I didn’t know what to fight. I tried harder, I fasted, I prayed, I confessed, and even asked God to take away my sex drive. My sex drive wasn’t the issue.
I didn’t know that in my pain as a child and adolescent, I built a skill set of meeting my needs and soothing my pains with pictures and masturbation. It was easier to look at porn than deal with rejection, failure, loneliness, and pain. No one explained this to me. At no time did I sit down and write out the pros and cons and think this is the best thing for me. I believed lies and practiced them. In so doing, I created a process to ease pain and ceded control to it. As if I was giving up a portion of my sovereign will. A set it and forget it autopilot. That autopilot only had one destination, porn and masturbation.
What I needed was deep relationships and acceptance. But I didn’t know that or practice those skills. Here is an example: somebody would say something, my own brain would recognize some sign of possible rejection and the old autopilot would kick in and launch a preemptive strike. My sex drive was not the issue, perceived rejection was.
Many books out there tell you how to manage your sex drive or your addiction. That is the wrong approach. There’s a good chance your sex drive isn’t making you horny but rather some buried pain. If you aren’t aware, you will spend your time fighting the wrong battles like I did.
Man Alive isn’t going to help you “just manage” your sex drive. This group will teach the skills to fight the right battles and to win. So keep coming back to the blog and join a group. As you practice these skills with us, you will become more fully aware and more fully alive than ever before.