Every few months we get an email from a new guy who came to Monday night to check out the group. They’re all pretty similar to each other and usually say something like this:
I just attended your meeting last night and have a couple of questions about the group. “Why do you guys play games? and what do they have to do with sexual purity? also,…..”Why to I have to pay 150$ to get in a small group?” I’m pretty lonely, and have a porn problem, and need help, but am having trouble getting over the games and the $.
I forwarded the last one of these emails to a friend of mine Eli Leedy. He is a small group leader, and a regular speaker on Monday nights. His response was so good, I wanted to post it. Here it is:
First of all thanks for writing and asking the questions you asked. They are questions that need to be asked and deserve answer.
1. Games. I will address this in two ways. My personal experience is that of walking into the room at the developmental level of a 12 year old at best. Part of getting current in my maturity and development was reclaiming my lost childhood. I had porned out and missed out on real adventure, physical activity, and taking risk. When i finally started playing the games on monday nights (about 4 months after joining) i began pushing past the fear of failure, fear of vulnerability, the fear of not measuring up, the fear of embarrassment and started killing passivity.
You see, we’re not here to learn how to protect ourselves, we’re here to learn how to grow up and get in touch with our hearts. Taking risk, getting hurt, winning, losing, competing, working as a team, pushing past physical and mental limits all help us grow up and makes our hearts come alive.
Most guys in that room are trapped by passivity and fear and the games are key for tearing those holds off of them.
2. $150. Everything costs something. Porn costs something. Living for Christ costs something. If you are not willing to pay for something it isn’t worth being a part of. There are sexual addiction rehab clinics that have a fraction of the success rate we have and cost thousands.
It also shows a level of commitment to your group. No one wants to gut themself one week and confess the most terrible things about their issues just to find out one guy isnt coming back. It is a betrayal. The $150 helps prevent that. No one on Monday night is there as part of being “on staff” at Church. None of us gets paid to show up, we do it for us and for the men who want to get better.
I would like to focus on your last statements, ” If I am way off please forgive me. I desperately wanting to plug in somewhere and I do have a porn problem.”
That is exactly where you need to be, desparate and honest about having a problem. If you keep showing up in that state of mind and submit to the process you WILL get better, I promise you, I have tried every other option out available and so have other leaders in that room. Nothing works like what we have on Monday night.
I look forward to hearing your testimony in 6 months about how great your marriage is and how good freedom feels. That is what is store for you if you want it. But YOU have to really want it and YOU have to go after it like a dog after a bone.