A friend of mine Tim Wright sent me his journal writing this morning along with one of the best compliments I have ever received. He said “I had no idea how messed up I still was until i met you: ) “
Here is Tim journal entry, it’s really good, I was tempted slightly to make a few adjustments to it but after reading it twice I knew I wanted you to see exactly as I did so I didn’t change a thing, here it is, enjoy.
I wrote this in my journal this morning.
Everyone has these things. Everyone has been hurt in some way or another. Sometimes we hurt ourselves. Sometimes we are hurt by others. Sometimes we are the ones doing the hurting.
Putting some time between you and the hurts or events is not that hard to do; just keep breathing and time will pass. Sometimes letting time pass is a momentous feat, worthy of shouting for all to hear ‘I made it through another day! I haven’t quit or given up!’
When experiencing these days, often surviving feels like a Divine Gift. The thing is, while we can continue to survive indefinitely, surviving is not really living. Perhaps surviving is what happens in the ‘Valley of the Shadow of Death’. Living is what is meant to happen when you come out on the other side of the valley.
But how many really live on the other side of hurts? There are some hurts that seem to leave a permanent limp, scars that never quite heal. Some hurts genuinely seem to heal with time. Others are not so easily left behind.
When a healthy person is hurt, they have a vision of normal, a vision of healthy to move towards as they heal. But what about someone who has never known healthy or whole? What do they move towards? If you have lived your entire life with at least some part of you in the valley, how are you to know what lies on the other side? How do you even know if there is another side?
Writing a story on a blank canvas is hard. Writing a story on top of another story is harder. Add in a co-author and the tasks seems impossible. Inevitably, each author will see the other one writing lines on top of old lines and will hear the hurt say ‘they are writing the same old story again’. Pain shouts ‘nothing will ever change. This will always be your story.’
Perhaps in times like this, when you don’t know what healthy looks like, or how to even starting moving towards it, the best guide for where to start, for where to focus is to find fear and pain and to go after them. Find the parts of the story that you are most scared to rewrite and start there.