New guys to the group get the vast majority of their relational needs from other new guys to the group. It’s like Breakfast Club and many other similar movies we love where all these very different and unique people come together out of a bad situation and they begin to heal. For many a new man to the group it’s the first time they have ever been honest and their is something very intimate about that. Honesty get’s you close to people, or it pushes them away (you only lose what you didn’t have). I like that because it eliminates the middle ground, they’re either in, or they’re out. For those that are in it can go very deep and you can become very close. Just what you need to heal, because sexual sin isolates you, where the yellow brick road to freedom is done with a team of other men looking for their mind, their heart, and their courage. As they do the journey together, they find what they are looking for through each other.
For you group leaders out there, if you’re lonely, not having fun/laughing, not eating well, not healing, not producing good fruit, not having great sex with your wife, or working to hard,…..you’re not doing it right. It you don’t like your group, it’s all your fault. If your group isn’t going any where that’s on you. If no one is getting better your the problem. Your job as a leader is to wade down in the sewer with your men and be more honest than they know how to be. You are their example so don’t stop doing the things that made you a leader in the first place. They don’t need massive amounts of relationship from you. What they do need is the right atmosphere produced by you to grow in, to get better in, to heal in. They pull on your strength, they will be opened up by your honesty, inspired by your work ethic\discipline, encouraged by your passion, and moved by your emotion.. They are learning from you how to talk, how to feel, and how to touch. So talk, feel, and touch.
You new guys and you men who are working to establish a beach head of sobriety, don’t give up. It’s closer than you think. Be desperate, hungry, and aggressive. Listen to the men who have gone before you, do what is asked of you, even if you don’t understand it, and make friends. Get out of the “I have to do this on my own” way of thinking and reach out, isolation is the enemy of purity.
Leaders, lead. They have convictions, and there is purpose in what they do. What a great small group leader does is show this man to his men. He lets them feel the firmness of his atmosphere of love, and they draw from it. It changes men’s lives. They learn from you, it’s discipleship 101, and they’ll never forget you. When they don’t know what to do, they’ll ask themselves what would you do?..and they’ll do it. They’ll find life, give life, and have a life because you gave them a small taste of yours.